The difference between "Manic" and "Normal"

  Two weeks ago I was diagnosed officially with Bipolar disorder, also known as Manic-Depressive disorder. I've always been blunt and to the point, but I feel that it will help especially in this blog. The whole point of this blog is not to talk about myself the whole time and the frustrations I have with the somewhat callous doctors, but the point is to share. While some of my daily life will be posted, mostly this blog will be research to the everyday things in life that can bring comfort to a sometimes disturbing world.

  I know I am not alone in this, I am not the only person who goes from having a perfectly fine day to being so angry I want to smash something against the wall. Or going from depression to so much anxiety I can't breathe, all within a matter of days, sometimes hours, even minutes. I know that there are other people out there that have felt the same way I have, that have had the same frustrations I have. Especially while I go from doctor to doctor and session to session I know that people have had the same questions I have. Why can't I feel normal?

 What is normal anyway? Isn't it normal to get angry over someone cutting you off in traffic, or crying when someone hurts your feelings? It was normal to me that I screamed when I was driving and got lost and that I panicked whenever I thought someone didn't like our conversation. Apparently that part isn't normal though.

 The manic phase may last from days to months. It can include the following symptoms:

• Easily distracted
• Little need for sleep
• Poor judgment
• Poor temper control
• Reckless behavior and lack of self control
• Very elevated mood
  • Excess activity (hyperactivity)
  • Increased energy
  • Racing thoughts
  • Talking a lot
  • Very high self-esteem (false beliefs about self or abilities)
• Very involved in activities
• Very upset (agitated or irritated)

 This is from the U.S National Library of Medicine folks. And that is about half of it. That doesn't include the depressed phase. There is just too much to put in one blog. You can read all of it here: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001924/

   I have had one medication after another pushed on me, and I'm told by one person after another that "this behavior is not normal." These stages of racing thoughts and changing moods though, these "Manic" stages felt just like they were supposed to feel to me. Normal. I'm finding that it is just the opposite, that there is supposed to be control over these feelings, and apparently its an art to get the medication right because I've been a guinea pig for the last two weeks. 


 Like I said, you can read all the information in books or online, but until you have lived through it or lived with someone who has it, those medical reports are just as callous as the doctors. There is so much more struggle and emotions then what they put in bullet lists. All I hope to accomplish here is a place where people can grasp a better understanding of what Bipolar disorder is. A place where there is learning and especially to the people I know who have this disorder, a place where you don't feel like a crazy person.
  
 Though society treats it as such, it is not fair to be judged for something you have no control over. There are tools out there that you can use as a resource, the things that doctors don't tell you about, because lets face it, at the end of the day, the majority of them just want a paycheck. So I plan to post anything I find that helps me get through the day, and get through a world that has for the most part become hard and judgmental. Sometimes even the smallest bit of information you have to grasp onto is all you really need to sleep at night.


-Denise R.