It has been a very long time since I have posted anything. I will be the first to admit, life happened, I got swamped and this blog was the last thing on my mind. Over the last month though I have had a few friends approach me about the blog, either asking about it, or saying how they missed reading it. So I waited a few days and waited for some sort of inspiration to hit until I started up again. Because as busy as life has been, writing is still a very therapeutic tool and little did I know, my writing was reaching people I wasn't aware of. So listen up, this ones for you and a few others that I know.
Mental illness can be a devastating journey. It can also be a lonely journey if you let it. For some reason people think that they need to withhold their thoughts and feelings, their fears and insecurities. They think that they can tough it out and in some cases, like in my case, not that long ago, they try to pretend that nothing is wrong with them. This is probably the most self destructive path that you can take. I'm not a doctor, or a therapist, all I can tell you is my own experience and how it almost destroyed me. Take it or leave it.
If this blog sounds more preachy and pushy then others, it's because it is meant to be. I know the people that are out there that need to hear the non-sugar coated version of this and I'm sure that they are not the only ones.
I don't like sounding like a broken record because I'm sure you have heard it all before. So let me just tell you what I had to do to get over my own demons and get to the point I'm at now, and hopefully you will hear something new. I had to stop self medicating, I had to stop lying to myself. I had to put down the over the counter sleep aids and pain pills and go get professional help. Not only that, but I had to be honest with them. If I told them lies I got treated for the lies I was telling. I didn't want to tell the nice doctor I was hearing voices, or having suicidal thoughts. I didn't want to look weird or appear abnormal. That reasoning seems more and more ridiculous to me every time I hear it, because the only person I was hurting was myself.
Once I was finally honest and got the help I needed I could finally see my support group. Friends and family that flocked around or sent encouraging messages, people I thought didn't care what I had to say were suddenly by my side eagerly waiting to hear how I was doing. If you get one little blip from this blog, just one sentence, get this:
You can't do it alone, but you have to take the first step.
You can't get better by people telling you to see a doctor, you can't get better by people saying you need help. They can say it all they want, they can push you all they want, my point is that I didn't get better until I got out of bed and walked myself into a doctors office. Words are just words, loving support is impossible to see until you take that first step, and believe me, I know more than most that the first step is the hardest.
So take it from someone who has been there and continues to be there, the longer you take to get the help you need the longer you are going to suffer. It's as simple as that. If you want to keep suffering alone, that is your choice. Just know that there is a happier and better life that you can have if you just take that first step and stop being stubborn.
I am so grateful for the loving friends and family that I have, I couldn't see it before because of the fog that bipolar disorder causes, the anxiety and the stress that it caused. It took me a long time to get there, and I'm still working on it. But I love my life. I don't suffer from Bipolar disorder, I live with it. It doesn't own me, I own it. That's how I live my life.
It's just one step.
