Love Roller Coasters: The Bipolar Marriage

One year is a big milestone for a lot of married couples now. It's sad to say, but in the last few years divorces have skyrocketed and fewer and fewer people stay married or even choose to get married in the first place. It's a different generation and the majority of people, at least that I have talked to, look as marriage as either a chore, or something they don't even want to bother with because it's overrated. Granted, there are those few great marriages that you want to see last forever. I do know a couple of those.

 I love my marriage.

 I even gave that sentence its own space because I think that is an important point to get across. As my one year anniversary approaches quickly (as in tomorrow) I definitely find myself reflecting on the ups and downs of the last year. Happily I can say they were mostly ups. I don't feel right discussing private and sacred things such as a marriage online no matter how people view marriage. I won't go into details, but  all I can say is that it is hard, especially when dealing with Bipolar Disorder. It takes effort from both people. I know that all marriages take work, but I especially appreciate my husband for all the work that he does.

 Through all the ups and downs and the roller coaster that is a marriage with someone who has Bipolar Disorder, my husband has to be the most patient man in the world. At least I think so. Marriages fail all the time because people can't handle the emotional upsets and financial difficulty that comes with dealing with Bipolar Disorder. I would like to think that my marriage can survive because of the person my husband is. A patient loving man who knew what he was getting into before he even married me.

This is a great article I read on webMD that discusses marriage and Bipolar Disorder. http://www.webmd.com/bipolar-disorder/guide/bipolar-romantic-relationships-dating-and-marriage

All I can say now is how excited I am to spend my one year anniversary away at a quiet Inn at the beach with my wonderfully supportive husband. Here is to another year of happiness and to the hope that all marriages can happily survive all the years.

Denise R.

Interviews, Work Issues and...discrimination?

 I had a job interview today for a nanny position. It seemed to go well besides the fact I was still feeling a little groggy from medication the night before and the lack of sleep that sometimes comes with it. My anxiety kept me up all through the night and it continued into the interview. Wonderful.

 Through my whole stammering and stuttering (which, pre-meds I was a lot more articulate) I managed to get through it in one piece. Then I went through the "Oh God, what could I have done better?" stage. You don't have to be Bipolar to feel that part of a post job interview. If you do have Bipolar disorder it is hard to feel like you fit in with the rest of the crowd, because that's part of it right? The poor me-I can't stand this, it's too hard, I have no control. Those constant nagging voices inside your head that make it impossible to think? You know what I'm talking about.

 It feels like people think your a freak and avoid you like the plague. Worse though is trying to get a job with the weight of a mental disorder on your shoulders. You think people want to hire a nanny who is Bipolar? I don't think so. Does it affect how well I do my job? Absolutely not.  In fact I think its a plus to some of the more creative and fun activities I have done with kids since I have an attention span as long as theirs. Here is the most important question though; Do I have to tell employers that I have a mental condition?

 The answer is no.
 
The law places strict limits on employers when it comes to asking job applicants to answer medical questions, take a medical exam, or identify a disability. For example, an employer may not ask a job applicant to answer medical questions or take a medical exam before extending a job offer. An employer also may not ask job applicants if they have a disability (or about the nature of an obvious disability). An employer may ask job applicants whether they can perform the job and how they would perform the job, with or without a reasonable accommodation.

 This is straight from the Americans with Disabilities Act. You can read the whole thing here.
http://www.eeoc.gov/laws/types/disability.cfm

Even after you are hired there is still an extremely strict guideline on what employers can ask you to do as it pertains to your job and your mental illness. You wouldn't have to tell an employer that you have ADD or ADHD or even PTSD. All extremely emotional mental disorders. So why would you have to tell an employer about any other mental disorder? That includes Bipolar disorder.

 If your disorder is affecting your job go see your doctor. Your employer CAN NOT ask you what it is about, the only thing that you need is a piece of paper from the doctor saying you have been seen and that you are fit for the job. No employer can rightfully fire you after that. Do the research, see for yourself. There are tons of online resources to help you, because we are not a book researching age anymore, everyone is online.
 
  Granted, after all that, the employer does not have to hire you if they don't think you are right for the job, sometimes people just don't do well enough to impress the interviewer. This article  http://psychcentral.com/lib/2007/coping-with-work-issues-and-bipolar-disorder/all/1/ goes into better detail then I can in one blog. Read it, learn from it. There is a lot of good information about maintaining good job interviews and jobs. Hopefully we can all learn how to better cope with the undeniable stress of being on the job search.

Denise R.

The difference between "Manic" and "Normal"

  Two weeks ago I was diagnosed officially with Bipolar disorder, also known as Manic-Depressive disorder. I've always been blunt and to the point, but I feel that it will help especially in this blog. The whole point of this blog is not to talk about myself the whole time and the frustrations I have with the somewhat callous doctors, but the point is to share. While some of my daily life will be posted, mostly this blog will be research to the everyday things in life that can bring comfort to a sometimes disturbing world.

  I know I am not alone in this, I am not the only person who goes from having a perfectly fine day to being so angry I want to smash something against the wall. Or going from depression to so much anxiety I can't breathe, all within a matter of days, sometimes hours, even minutes. I know that there are other people out there that have felt the same way I have, that have had the same frustrations I have. Especially while I go from doctor to doctor and session to session I know that people have had the same questions I have. Why can't I feel normal?

 What is normal anyway? Isn't it normal to get angry over someone cutting you off in traffic, or crying when someone hurts your feelings? It was normal to me that I screamed when I was driving and got lost and that I panicked whenever I thought someone didn't like our conversation. Apparently that part isn't normal though.

 The manic phase may last from days to months. It can include the following symptoms:

• Easily distracted
• Little need for sleep
• Poor judgment
• Poor temper control
• Reckless behavior and lack of self control
• Very elevated mood
  • Excess activity (hyperactivity)
  • Increased energy
  • Racing thoughts
  • Talking a lot
  • Very high self-esteem (false beliefs about self or abilities)
• Very involved in activities
• Very upset (agitated or irritated)

 This is from the U.S National Library of Medicine folks. And that is about half of it. That doesn't include the depressed phase. There is just too much to put in one blog. You can read all of it here: http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001924/

   I have had one medication after another pushed on me, and I'm told by one person after another that "this behavior is not normal." These stages of racing thoughts and changing moods though, these "Manic" stages felt just like they were supposed to feel to me. Normal. I'm finding that it is just the opposite, that there is supposed to be control over these feelings, and apparently its an art to get the medication right because I've been a guinea pig for the last two weeks. 


 Like I said, you can read all the information in books or online, but until you have lived through it or lived with someone who has it, those medical reports are just as callous as the doctors. There is so much more struggle and emotions then what they put in bullet lists. All I hope to accomplish here is a place where people can grasp a better understanding of what Bipolar disorder is. A place where there is learning and especially to the people I know who have this disorder, a place where you don't feel like a crazy person.
  
 Though society treats it as such, it is not fair to be judged for something you have no control over. There are tools out there that you can use as a resource, the things that doctors don't tell you about, because lets face it, at the end of the day, the majority of them just want a paycheck. So I plan to post anything I find that helps me get through the day, and get through a world that has for the most part become hard and judgmental. Sometimes even the smallest bit of information you have to grasp onto is all you really need to sleep at night.


-Denise R.